Lyrics You & the Cockroach – Hobo Johnson

Okay, picture this, there’s this cold floating rock, right
And at the bottom of the rock there’s this ocean
And at the bottom of the ocean there’s these little teeny amoeba, right
And after millions of years these amoeba
They start turning into fish and swimming around
I don’t know how it works, but it does
So these amoebas, right, these f–amoeba fish
Start swimming around until one day
One of these fish was like, you know what
I f**king hate the ocean, it sucks, its cold, it’s wet
I’m done, I am done
So he grabs these f**king little things that are called
Hands and feet and connects them to his body
And he crawls out of this ocean, right
And when he gets onto the bay, guess what he sees
He looks around and he sees a
Female fish, and she’s beautiful
Oh my God, stunningSo they talk, they talk for a few days
And they start, you know after a few days they start mashing parts
‘Cause that’s what happens, right
So they mash parts and all these babies get born
After millions of years these babies shed their scales, shed their fins
Until they start standing upright, and one day
They, f**king their brains get so big
That they begin to understand these really scary concepts
And one of these concepts is that they’re going to.. die
And what’s scarier than knowing you’re going to die
Nothing, to me, so one day, this guy’s like, you know what
I’m gonna create something that makes me not afraid of dying, right
So he comes up with it, and it’s actually called this thing
That you may know as, it’s called.. religion
And this religion causes a bunch of.. conflict
Conflict, bang-bang-bang, that’s literally what it sounds like
So with all of this.. conflict
They understand they need some orders
So they create this thing called.. government
To keep each other in line, but guess what
It actually doesn’t happen like that
Guess what it creates, it creates a bunch more.. conflict
Oh my God, and out of all this conflict arises a president
And this president is orange, he’s got orange hair
It’s parted to the side, it looks really dumb
He’s chubby, and he’s got little sausage fingers
They look like Little Smokies, I personally love Little Smokies
Either way, he starts arguing with this leader
On the other side of the world
He’s got a bowl cut, he’s similarly pudgy
He’s got sausage fingers too
I don’t know what it is with guys with sausage fingers
But it messes their minds up, right
So they start bickering like little children
And one day the guy with orange hair is just like
You know what I’m gonna f**king do it
I’ve got a small d**k, I ain’t got nothing to lose
So he gets his thing, and he presses the button and it just goes..
Ba-ba-ba-bang-bang and it blows him up
And everybody dies
Everybody dies
Everybody dies
What’s the only thing that survives a nuclear war
Everyone say it on five
One, two, three, four.. five
Cockroaches, yeah
So the cockroaches are really small, but
After millions of years they start getting bigger
Then one day they start losing their f**king shale.. uh, shells
And losing their f**king.. a-antennas
And then they f**king.. brains get so big
They understand these really scary concepts
And the concepts that they are going to.. die
But guess what, they don’t wanna die
So they create this new thing called.. religion
But it creates a newer thing called.. conflict
So then they protect each other
So they create.. government
But then it creates even more.. conflictOh my God.. and out of this conflict arises this f**king president
He’s a cockroach, he’s a little f-small boy
And he gets really f**king, insecure about his place in the world
Ha-ha-ha, classic
So he finds some guy to project onto
And they start bickering, and he bickers and bickers
The other guy’s like, f**k you
The other guy’s like, f**k you, motherf**ker
But he has to go to his top cockroach scientist
Because guess what, nukes don’t f**king work on cockroaches
It bounces off them like.. a soft ocean breeze
So the president f**king, he’s like, okay, I’m gonna do it
So he devises a new missile
He talks to his top cockroach scientist, imagine that
A big human-like cockroach
In a f**king labsuit with glasses on, hehe
So he f**king tells him, he’s like
We need a missile that kills cockroaches
So the scientist is like, Okay
I got it, it’s gonna be a missile
And on the end of the missile, instead of a nuke
It’s one giant, president, it’s a giant, it’s a giant..
Shoe, and it blows him up
It’s a giant.. shoe, heh
Classic, classic, classic..
I mean, I mean, we just tryna chill
We didn’t come here to show off
Or like floss our s**t or anything like that
We just came to chill and have fun
And I guess that’s what life’s all about
Ha ha, let go…
➤ Album: The Fall of Hobo Johnson
Hobo Johnson | 2019